Happy Birthday To Me!

Today is officially the last day of my 20’s… such a milestone huh? I remember being afraid of turning 30. I remember feeling like 30 was so far away… I was very young and naive in thinking that 30 were really all that old. My taste has evolved into that of a mature woman. I remember my very first “sex on the beach” almost 8 years ago… I was all about my sweet fruity cocktails, now I prefer my martinis very dirty. Forever21 and Wet Seal were some of my favorites… I used to think Banana Republic and Zara were for ‘boring’ girls… I had to laugh at myself looking back on all of the things I thought were cool.

In my twenties I learned so many valuable lessons. I discovered love and heartbreak, pain and revenge. In those situations I also learned to guard my heart. Falling in love with the bad boys can be so damaging to a young girls heart. So funny how after traumatic events in young adulthood we never know the person we truly are until we heal all of our wounds. I realized surviving was not living…   I fought responsibility and ran from problems. It’s funny how society encourages you to hide your mistakes… I guess it’s because we have so many perfect people walking this earth, no one could relate to my struggles. It’s so odd to me that in your early twenties most women are encouraged to be timid and pure. In my opinion that is unrealistic.  Your twenties are for you to have fun and explore what you like, who cares about your reputation?

 I learned in my twenties the importance of having tough skin. Not everybody will like me… hell, some of you reading this probably don’t like me and that’s quite all right. I also learned to embrace the power that I possess… I understand that I have presence and I will never second-guess myself. I do understand that I am very feminine and I am no longer a girl… I am a woman and grown women do not make apologizes for having a certain standard of living. OKAY! *Snap, snap*

 I realized that my dreams were not optional… I have a responsibility to myself to be happy and pursue my happiness to the ends of the earth. Love is not something you give to please others… You have to give love because that’s the only way you will find peace and joy within yourself.  In my twenties I was shown true unconditional love… I was taught patience and the value of hard work. In my journey once I turned 28 I realized that I didn’t owe the world an explanation… I don’t have to tell the world my plight or my vision… I share my journey in effort to connect with other women that may be going through something similar. My life experience and choices that I make are not up for debate. I am in no way selling myself or my way of life. I am sharing my journey with the purest of intent, with the hope that maybe one day my vulnerability would encourage someone else to be real with themselves about their own journey before they criticize another. 

Some may say “the world is just cold, bad news spreads faster than good news.” Some ask why I care so much about encouraging others… They say, “those people don’t really care about you, they wouldn’t defend you Kua.” My understanding is that it doesn’t matter who would or wouldn’t defend me. I have a responsibility to myself to free myself of the limitations and boundaries of what is considered acceptable behavior defined by what others think is right and what is wrong. They say, “Treat others how you want to be treated”… I disagree. My heart isn’t bound by my expectation of how you should treat me. I will treat others the way I feel in my heart is right. One of my really good friends once told me I "think the way people should think, but don’t” That was one of the best things anyone had ever said to me… Funny the things that stands out in your mind over the years. All of the memories in between milestones and life changing experience somehow get overlooked. In hindsight the things that were a big deal become forgotten.  When it all falls down the only thing we have are our values and principles. Celebrate what makes you different. God created you in his image… remember that! Flaws and, we have to all walk with authority! Women should feel sexy and confident in themselves but to be vulnerable is human.

Now I look forward to my 30’s with great anticipation and certainty. I will be clear about my thoughts. I will be mindful of my contribution to the world, and I pray that no matter where I go in my life that I not only inspire some… more that that I would like for all of my readers to feel that you can relate to me even if its only a little bit. I pray that you help to encourage me as I encourage you.

Happy Birthday To Me!